Flanders & Swann - The Gnu

A year ago, last Thursday I was strolling in the zoo

When I met a man who though he knew the lot

He was laying down the law about the habits of Baboons

And how many quills a porcupine has got

So I asked him: 'What's that creature there?'

He answered: 'Oh, H'it's a H'elk'

I might of gone on thinking that was true

If the animal in question hadn't put that chap to shame

And remarked: 'I h'ain't a H'elk. I'm a Gnu!'

'I'm a Gnu, I'm a Gnu

The g-nicest work of g-nature in the zoo

I'm a Gnu, How do you do

You really ought to k-now w-ho's w-ho's

I'm a Gnu, Spelt G-N-U

I'm g-not a Camel or a Kangaroo

So let me introduce

I'm g-neither man nor moose

Oh g-no g-no g-no I'm a Gnu'

I had taken furnished lodgings down at Rustington-on-Sea

Whence I travelled on to Ashton-under-Lyne it was actually

And the second night I stayed there I was woken from a dream

That I'll tell you all about some other time

Among the hunting trophies on the wall above my bed

Stuffed and mounted, was a face I thought I knew;

A Bison? No, it's not a Bison. An Okapi? Unlikely, Really. A Hartebeest?

When I though I heard a voice: 'I'm a Gnu!'

I'm a Gnu, ,A g-nother gnu

I wish I could g-nash my teeth at you!

I'm a Gnu, How do you do

You really ought to k-now w-ho's w-ho

I'm a Gnu Spelt G-N-U

Call me Bison or Okapi and I'll sue

G-nor am I the least

Like that dreadful Hartebeest

Oh, g-no, g-no, g-no

G-no g-no g-no I'm a Gnu

G-no g-no g-no I'm a Gnu

It's very G-nice of you