Blood Girl - Almost Twenty

There is something and i am waiting
But i am losing my patience
Everyday it's like i'm in deep seas
Cus i didn’t think that i would get this far

I am alive now i'm almost twenty
But i died when i was seven
Now i'm zombie sleepwalking
Going off on muscle memory alone

But all my muscles know is the abuse
How many people get to use and use
Until the last drop hits and it's too late
Just how much pain can one person take?

I am tired even sleeping
And i am fucked up from so deep in
I don't think i'll get to feel things
That normal people do

Like loving healthy, like kissing plenty, like happy wealthy in safe
Like dreaming sweetly, like feeling free in the brain
Not evil, not pain

And three years ago i said
That the reason not to kill myself
Was then i could never feel the rain again
Hear it drumming on the glass
Laying in my bed at last
Sleeping just sleeping just sleeping
With no questions asked
But now i'm older and i know that life has more
Now i'm older and i know i can ask for more
I want the things that normal people take for granted
The happy life, the safe life, the boringness of the enchanted

Cus i know that there is something
And i'm just so tired of waiting
Is living even worth it if all i ever do is trying not to feel pain?
If i had lived on back then would i still have a shot?
Do i still have a chance to get all the things that i never got?