Tom Lehrer - N Apostrophe T

(Scene: Outside the cave of a very grouchy hermit (H). A very sweet child (C) coming along)

(C): Isn't it a lovely day?
(H): No, it isn't!
(C): Could you come outside and play?
(H): No, I couldn't!
(C): Did you ever take a hike?
(H): No, I didn't!
(C): How'd you like to ride my bike?
(H): Frankly, I wouldn't!

(C): Isn't, couldn't, didn't, wouldn't
Is that all you can say?
(H): Isn't, couldn't, didn't, wouldn't - Yes, now go away
The sweetest sound to me
It stands for "not"
I like it a lot
It's spelled "n"-apostrophe-"t"

(C): Have you ever tried to smile?
(H): No, I haven't!
(C): Won't you try it for a while?
(H): No, I won't!
(C): Are there games to play in there?
(H): No, there aren't!
(C): Then why d'you like to stay in there?
(H): Frankly, I don't!

(C): Haven't, won't, aren't, don't
Is that all you can say?
(H): Haven't, won't, aren't, don't - And I said: "Go away:"
Grouches all agree
We get a glow
From saying "no"
With "n"-apostrophe-"t"

(C): Do you talk to anyone?
(H): (wistfully) No, I don't!
(C): Come on out and have some fun
(H): (hesitantly) No, I couldn't!
(C): Can't you even tell me why?
(H): (apologetically) No, I can't!
(C): Will it kill you just to try?
(H): (wanting to) Well, I shouldn't . .

(C): Don't, couldn't, can't, shouldn't
Now, try it once my way
(C): Do?
(H): Do . .
(C): Could?
(H): Could…
(C): Can?
(H): Can . .
(C): Should
(H): Should! Hey, that feels okay!

(C): So come along with me . .
(H): I'll give it a try
And say goodbye
To "n"-apostrophe
(C): "N"-apostrophe
(C,H):"N"-apostrophe-"t"!