Tom Lehrer - Alma

{Verse}
The loveliest girl in Vienna
Was Alma, the smartest as well
Once you picked her up on your antenna
You'd never be free of her spell
Her lovers were many and varied
From the day she began her beguine
There were three famous ones whom she married
And God knows how many between

{Chorus}
Alma, tell us:
All modern women are jealous
Which of your magical wands
Got you Gustav and Walter and Franz?

{Verse}
The first one she married was Mahler
Whose buddies all knew him as Gustav
And each time he saw her he'd holler:
"Ach, that is the fräulein I must have!"
Their marriage, however, was murdah
He'd scream to the heavens above:
"I'm writing Das Lied von der Erde
Und she only wants to make love!"

{Chorus}
Alma, tell us:
All modern women are jealous
You should have a statue in bronze
For bagging Gustav and Walter and Franz

{Verse}
While married to Gus she met Gropius
And soon she was swinging with Walter
Gus died and her teardrops were copious
She cried all the way to the altar
But he would work late at the Bauhaus
And only came home now and then
She said: "What am I running, a chow house?
It's time to change partners again!"

{Chorus}
Alma, tell us:
All modern women are jealous!
Though you didn't even use Pond's
You got Gustav and Walter and Franz

{Verse}
While married to Walt she met Werfel
And he too was caught in her net
He married her but he was careful
'Cause Alma was no Bernadette
And that is the story of Alma
Who knew how to receive and to give
The body that reached her embalmah
Was one that had known how to live!

{Chorus}
Alma, tell us:
How can they help being jealous?
Ducks always envy the swans
Who get Gustav and Walter
You never did falter
With Gustav and Walter and Franz!