White Hassle - Tom the Harlequin

Tom the harlequin questioned the order
He was told to sit down and question no longer
Susanna the pimp, or so she was called
She'd got up to leave and go out in the hall

And John the alcoholic could not find his shoes
He had been calling the shots all night
And, of course, hitting the booze

Harmonica Sam, hard-pressed to perform
Impressed his admirers with a shirt he had worn

And Tom the harlequin, he had a romance
It began with a kiss and later it died with a glance
Oh, Lynn the prostitute told Susanna to go
Susanna said "no, no, no, I won't go"

And Bob the bartendеr was mad
And Susan the doorman was glad
And he took a broken bottlе and busted it over everybody's head
And he took a few chairs and smashed 'em through the window
And everybody was squirting blood all over the table
And don't, don't you know it was
A mess

Then Maude the maid said "I'm not cleaning this up" (No way!)
And Bob the bartender said "you won't have a job if you don't"
Sheena the deputy came into town
She had been on TV all the time for a long time
And wasn't usually around
She said "hands up, all of you
Except for One-Armed Bill, no, you don't have to
You know, I should put you all away for this
For wrecking the place like you did"
And Bob the bartender was glad
And Susan the lawyer was mad
And Lucy the doorman was sad
And Lynn the hooker was (?...)
You know, things didn't really turn out that bad
For Tom and his gang, they had had
Enough

Oh, Tom the harlequin called in to protest
He said "if you're gonna put them in jail like you did
Then you've got to jail the rest"