Irshi - Inner Confession

"to whoever is listening to this:
I gave up on killing myself

It wasn't easy, bearing with myself for as long as i can remember. i fell into this cycle of agony and suffering. actually this was my primary reason why i started this project, to contain my feelings and emotions

It was irshi who helped me to struggle with my demons in my mind. for example, it was her idea to record every of my thought, even though overthinking some of them were eating away at me. to think this note would look a lot different and i would bе dead by this time if irshi didn't exist. oh, see? i am still ovеrthinking i guess, haha. i am so lucky to have her

Never thought that something i've created would change my life... or save my life in this case... i am better now, trying to enjoy the world, not to hate people that much, getting used to society. nature has always been mesmerizing to me, i've always felt like i belong in there and not in this crap. putting myself out there always made me feel so relaxed... comfortable. this helped a lot during my hardest times

I don't know if i have depression or any other mental disorder, however none of these matter. i learned to control them, all by myself, although if i didn't hide this from everyone i could get the right treatment and get cured faster, but now i have something special to do in my life that motivates me to live

Still feeling lonely sometimes, but that is alright, i have accepted this feeling a long time ago. it is not hurting me anymore, i guess this is fine

I think i will keep moving on. now it seems that ending my life at this age would be worthless

This is my confession to myself

I feel my sanity is coming back."

The dreams i killed myself
Scenarios in my head
Endless possibilities and fears
I faced them all

They stole my time... my life
My hopes end, my pain begins
Alarms in my mind
They robbed me of living
But after all these years
I feel once more unshackled
Free as a peregrine
Flying in rust and dun

Now i can empathize
Don't blame people madly
I have to learn not to care
Or i will drown in my ire

I knew it wasn't all in vain
I knew i could handle myself
Even in the moments
When i thought that it was the end

It has become difficult for me
To write my feelings
As my thoughts are getting more complicated
It is getting out of control

I think i'm halfway through
There's not much left anymore
If i can last a little longer
I will wake up happy the next day

Time is changing
The world is changing
But people...
They decide whether to change or not