TopazFuq - Apathy within Pacifism
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I don't like the life i've chosen
Wish i could go back to the void of nothing
Spiraling backwards into an endless cacophany of silence
My head revolves around violence
Yet i can't lose my obsession of pacifism
And i can't find myself in my own head
Like i'm not even a citizen of my own wellbeing
Like a drain in the broken dam of my life
All my thoughts streaming like water, seeking the slaughter
My head won't give up the fact that i'll never be for her
Strangеrs speaking horrors unexplainable across thе void
Intrusion really endangers the all-seeing
Sleeping, breathing mortars aimed to break the choice
The choice of what? the choice to strive
The choice to eat, sleep and cry at the thought that i have to survive
This stupid mirror following every single move i make
Like the stars at night staring down at my joys
Here's a wish, little one! spend it well and spend it dearly
Except the only wish i found was already destroyed when i was young
And clearly, it's obvious that the world wants me gone
But maybe i'm delusional, it could be just a theory
And when i look at the night sky and see a lonely star
I think of it as myself
Stars are the only things
Keeping us grounded with this wretched planet
Gravity is the only thing that's astounded a man
A man who headed into his thoughts, into the head he inhabits
Because he can see so why can't i
Why can't i see the world before me like everybody else does
I want to see what others ignore
Every little mundane thing in the landscape
I see the world as grey and yet i can't even look down at the scales
My life is a mess and i'm dragging myself down with it
My hope has been lost and i can't be bothered to restore it
My clothes have been worn and i just want the years to end
Jealousy of my own soul keeps
Creeping into my head like i'm the bad guy
I'm the bad guy to everybody
Tonnes and tonnes of empty skulls
Crawling through their daily commute
How do they hold up their facade to mute
How do they live with goals to pursuit
I can hardly leave my room and i'm so fucking jealous in regards
To all the people who can make it through their day
Without wanting to rip their head off
Every day there's a different piece of cloth
Stained with blood on my bedroom floor
Nobody sees so nobody can pour their sympathy
And fake love into my heart expecting me to get up and be okay
I'll never be okay and i've accepted that fact
And i can't find a way to give the world an impact
So if i disappear one day then don't even react
Because i was a goner from the start
And there's no turning back
Wish i could go back to the void of nothing
Spiraling backwards into an endless cacophany of silence
My head revolves around violence
Yet i can't lose my obsession of pacifism
And i can't find myself in my own head
Like i'm not even a citizen of my own wellbeing
Like a drain in the broken dam of my life
All my thoughts streaming like water, seeking the slaughter
My head won't give up the fact that i'll never be for her
Strangеrs speaking horrors unexplainable across thе void
Intrusion really endangers the all-seeing
Sleeping, breathing mortars aimed to break the choice
The choice of what? the choice to strive
The choice to eat, sleep and cry at the thought that i have to survive
This stupid mirror following every single move i make
Like the stars at night staring down at my joys
Here's a wish, little one! spend it well and spend it dearly
Except the only wish i found was already destroyed when i was young
And clearly, it's obvious that the world wants me gone
But maybe i'm delusional, it could be just a theory
And when i look at the night sky and see a lonely star
I think of it as myself
Stars are the only things
Keeping us grounded with this wretched planet
Gravity is the only thing that's astounded a man
A man who headed into his thoughts, into the head he inhabits
Because he can see so why can't i
Why can't i see the world before me like everybody else does
I want to see what others ignore
Every little mundane thing in the landscape
I see the world as grey and yet i can't even look down at the scales
My life is a mess and i'm dragging myself down with it
My hope has been lost and i can't be bothered to restore it
My clothes have been worn and i just want the years to end
Jealousy of my own soul keeps
Creeping into my head like i'm the bad guy
I'm the bad guy to everybody
Tonnes and tonnes of empty skulls
Crawling through their daily commute
How do they hold up their facade to mute
How do they live with goals to pursuit
I can hardly leave my room and i'm so fucking jealous in regards
To all the people who can make it through their day
Without wanting to rip their head off
Every day there's a different piece of cloth
Stained with blood on my bedroom floor
Nobody sees so nobody can pour their sympathy
And fake love into my heart expecting me to get up and be okay
I'll never be okay and i've accepted that fact
And i can't find a way to give the world an impact
So if i disappear one day then don't even react
Because i was a goner from the start
And there's no turning back
