WeevilDoing - Fainéant Girl

{verse 1}
I got sick
And i won't be getting well
They told me there was nothing wrong, as far as they could tell

Oh well
Guess they can't tell very far
I have to be my own clinician, write my own memoir

With a body and a brain so sickening
Practitioners find it not worth fixing
I'm scared i'm gonna lie down one day
And never get back up again

{pre-chorus}
(it's written down on paper, you can't call yourself a faker)
(it's all true now, what'll you do now?)

{chorus}
They don't tell stories about people like me
'cause what is there to tell?
5pm naps and childproof caps
My bеst friends, adderall and elavil

(a life sеntence served and my body's the cell)
(no, i don't need to die to know that this is hell)

{verse 2}
If only i knew how much time i had left
Maybe it would've been spent a bit more wise
And no, i know, it's not like i died
But it's hard to call what's left of me "alive"

I forget i'm an adult all the time
'cause my body gave up when i was so young
And now i go throughout life puppet-ing my own corpse
My own memory, a less alive kind of me

'cause the cells in my organ systems organized
For my involuntary parasuicide
And i swallowed my pride, left my old life behind
But to say i survived, it just feels like a lie

{chorus}
They don't tell stories about people like me
'cause what is there to tell?
5pm naps and childproof caps
My best friends, adderall and elavil

(a life sentence served and my body's the cell)
(if i'm already dead yet or not, i can't tell)

{verse 3}
I'm tired when i wake up, when i'm opening my eyes
When i'm not feeling low, i get tired out by the highs
I'm tired when i go out, when i'm trying to exist
But if i don't, i get tired thinking about the things i missed

I'm tired, just tired, that's all i ever say
Because i'm tired of my illnesses making me act this way
Tired of being jealous of everybody that's close to me
No, they can't help they're not diseased
That's not the way they chose to be

I miss a life i never had, the everything i could've been
I hope they never have to understand the kind of pain i'm in
The people that i thought i could trust berated me, like that'd help
"you need to pull your weight", when i was trying not to kill myself
You tried to give me "tough love" and then wondered why i got so cold
The shit i hid to keep you happy, you don't even wanna know

{chorus}
They don't tell stories about people like me
'cause what is there to tell?
5pm naps and childproof caps
My best friends, adderall and elavil

(a life sentence served and my body's the cell)
(at the mercy of malfunctioning organelles)

{verse 4}
Shaking uncontrollably, my ibuprofen mornings
(and my prophets are ramsay and shepherd and bell)
Nobody would listen, my body was trying to warn me
(and there's only so much medication can help)

Doctors said it was somatic, you all thought i was dramatic
(and it's nobody's fault, just the cards that you're dealt)
Yeah, you meant well, but that doesn't mean that it wasn't traumatic
(i got sick and i won't ever be getting well)

Now i only hope i don't keep on degenerating
Shorter life expectancy, i might as well embrace it
Take my medication, get wasted, music-making while i'm sedated
Call that crossfaded

Hey, look ma, i made it