Saturday Night Live - Please Don't Destroy
10
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(Spoken Intro)
{MARTIN}
Just feels like the whole thing is, we're all donkeys
{JOHN AND BEN}
Come on in!
{PETE}
What's up, boys!
{JOHN}
Pete and how
{BEN}
Pete man!
{MARTIN}
The king of Staten Island himself!
{PETE}
What?
{MARTIN}
Nothing, what's up?
{PETE}
I just wanna say you guys have been making some really fun videos for the show this year
{MARTIN}
Dude!
{BEN}
Thank you, man! That's really nice
{PETE}
Got me thinking, like, we should all do a video together. I had this idea about how we could, like, do a music video about how we're all like best friends and how we're all, like, boys
{BEN}
Wе would be in it with you?
{PETE}
Yeah, you guys would be thе boys
{JOHN}
Yeah! Oh my God!
{PETE}
Let's do it!
(Musical Intro)
Yo, it's Pete with PDD. Let's go
(Verse 1)
Another day in the life of Pete
Just sittin' in the courtside seat
People wanna take my picture with selfie sticks
It winds up on Page Six
It's never-ending
Every day I'm trending
People wanna see the texts that I'm sending
All my friends are cool and famous
Except these three sad virgins
(Hook)
Three sad virgins what
Three sad virgins whoa
Three sad virgins what
Three sad virgins whoa
(Spoken)
{BEN}
Can we take a timeout?
{PETE}
What's goin' on, guys? You having fun?
{JOHN}
I'm having a blast! Quick question: Is this about us?
{PETE}
Which part?
{MARTIN}
I guess the "three sad virgins" part?
{JOHN}
Yeah!
{BEN}
We have had sex. Maybe not super-recently
{PETE}
Guys, it's just a parody video. You guys are playing characters
{JOHN}
Characters!
{BEN}
So people won't think it's us
{PETE}
It's not about you at all
(Verse 2)
Their names are Martin, Ben, and John
And they work at the show I'm on
They just don't have any swag
They're tall and weird and sad
John's loud but not very smart
Ben's breath kinda smells like a fart
And Martin's penis tip is way too red
At least that's what his doctor said
(Hook)
Three sad virgins what
{BEN}
He's talking about us!
{PETE}
Three sad virgins whoa
(Spoken)
{JOHN}
Oh my God!
{MARTIN}
That was my real doctor!
{BEN}
We gotta say something
{JOHN}
Yeah!
{BEN}
Pete?
{PETE}
What?
{BEN}
We love it!
{MARTIN AND JOHN}
Love it!
{BEN}
I just had, like, one tiny thought
{JOHN}
This guy has notes? Leave it as is! It's rockin', dude
{PETE}
Do you have an ashtray, by any chance? Oh yeah, thanks bro
{BEN}
My only thing is, maybe it could just be, like, completely different?
{MARTIN AND JOHN}
Oh, yeah!
{MARTIN}
Maybe something topical, like Dune's a big movie? Maybe something with Dune?
{JOHN}
A Dune rap!
{PETE}
All right, guys. It's now a Dune rap! So let's get some f----- sand in here!
{MARTIN, BEN, AND JOHN}
Yeah!
(Verse 3)
The planet Dune is very nice
It's a world that's made of spice
It's sandy like a playa
With Zendaya
I'm gonna ride a worm
And these guys suck
(Hook)
Three sad virgins what
Three sad virgins on Dune
(Spoken)
{JOHN}
Why is he humiliating us? Ben, why are you dressed as Wendy from Wendy's?
{BEN}
Pete made me do it
{MARTIN}
And why are we up here?
{JOHN}
He said we're like the flying sad sacks
{BEN}
You know what? We can't stand for this!
{JOHN}
Yeah!
{MARTIN}
No, no! Ben!
{JOHN}
You okay, dude?
{PETE}
You guys ready to go in again?
{MARTIN AND JOHN}
No!
{BEN}
We can't do this anymore! It's humiliating!
{PETE}
Damn guys, I'm sorry. I thought this would be a fun thing for all of us. If it's not, then let's just end it
{JOHN}
Thanks, Pete
{MARTIN}
Thank you, Pete
{PETE}
I mean, after we do the bridge
{JOHN}
Wait, what bridge?
{TAYLOR}
Hey, Pete
{PETE}
Hey, Taylor
(Bridge)
{TAYLOR}
Ben is like a sad Ron Weasley
He looks like if Big BIrd lost all his feathers
And Martin has the charm and the sex appeal
Of a scarecrow
{MARTIN}
That's not true!
{TAYLOR}
John has a big-ass bowling ball head
How does he stay upright with that big fat melon?
And none of them have the guts to take their shirts off
In front of a girl
{MARTIN, BEN, AND JOHN}
Yeah, that's accurate
(Hook)
{TAYLOR}
'Cause they're three sad virgins what
Three sad virgins whoa
Three sad virgins what
Three sad virgins whoa
Three sad virgins what
Three sad virgins whoa
Three sad virgins what
{TAYLOR AND PETE}
And they're gonna die alone
{MARTIN}
Just feels like the whole thing is, we're all donkeys
{JOHN AND BEN}
Come on in!
{PETE}
What's up, boys!
{JOHN}
Pete and how
{BEN}
Pete man!
{MARTIN}
The king of Staten Island himself!
{PETE}
What?
{MARTIN}
Nothing, what's up?
{PETE}
I just wanna say you guys have been making some really fun videos for the show this year
{MARTIN}
Dude!
{BEN}
Thank you, man! That's really nice
{PETE}
Got me thinking, like, we should all do a video together. I had this idea about how we could, like, do a music video about how we're all like best friends and how we're all, like, boys
{BEN}
Wе would be in it with you?
{PETE}
Yeah, you guys would be thе boys
{JOHN}
Yeah! Oh my God!
{PETE}
Let's do it!
(Musical Intro)
Yo, it's Pete with PDD. Let's go
(Verse 1)
Another day in the life of Pete
Just sittin' in the courtside seat
People wanna take my picture with selfie sticks
It winds up on Page Six
It's never-ending
Every day I'm trending
People wanna see the texts that I'm sending
All my friends are cool and famous
Except these three sad virgins
(Hook)
Three sad virgins what
Three sad virgins whoa
Three sad virgins what
Three sad virgins whoa
(Spoken)
{BEN}
Can we take a timeout?
{PETE}
What's goin' on, guys? You having fun?
{JOHN}
I'm having a blast! Quick question: Is this about us?
{PETE}
Which part?
{MARTIN}
I guess the "three sad virgins" part?
{JOHN}
Yeah!
{BEN}
We have had sex. Maybe not super-recently
{PETE}
Guys, it's just a parody video. You guys are playing characters
{JOHN}
Characters!
{BEN}
So people won't think it's us
{PETE}
It's not about you at all
(Verse 2)
Their names are Martin, Ben, and John
And they work at the show I'm on
They just don't have any swag
They're tall and weird and sad
John's loud but not very smart
Ben's breath kinda smells like a fart
And Martin's penis tip is way too red
At least that's what his doctor said
(Hook)
Three sad virgins what
{BEN}
He's talking about us!
{PETE}
Three sad virgins whoa
(Spoken)
{JOHN}
Oh my God!
{MARTIN}
That was my real doctor!
{BEN}
We gotta say something
{JOHN}
Yeah!
{BEN}
Pete?
{PETE}
What?
{BEN}
We love it!
{MARTIN AND JOHN}
Love it!
{BEN}
I just had, like, one tiny thought
{JOHN}
This guy has notes? Leave it as is! It's rockin', dude
{PETE}
Do you have an ashtray, by any chance? Oh yeah, thanks bro
{BEN}
My only thing is, maybe it could just be, like, completely different?
{MARTIN AND JOHN}
Oh, yeah!
{MARTIN}
Maybe something topical, like Dune's a big movie? Maybe something with Dune?
{JOHN}
A Dune rap!
{PETE}
All right, guys. It's now a Dune rap! So let's get some f----- sand in here!
{MARTIN, BEN, AND JOHN}
Yeah!
(Verse 3)
The planet Dune is very nice
It's a world that's made of spice
It's sandy like a playa
With Zendaya
I'm gonna ride a worm
And these guys suck
(Hook)
Three sad virgins what
Three sad virgins on Dune
(Spoken)
{JOHN}
Why is he humiliating us? Ben, why are you dressed as Wendy from Wendy's?
{BEN}
Pete made me do it
{MARTIN}
And why are we up here?
{JOHN}
He said we're like the flying sad sacks
{BEN}
You know what? We can't stand for this!
{JOHN}
Yeah!
{MARTIN}
No, no! Ben!
{JOHN}
You okay, dude?
{PETE}
You guys ready to go in again?
{MARTIN AND JOHN}
No!
{BEN}
We can't do this anymore! It's humiliating!
{PETE}
Damn guys, I'm sorry. I thought this would be a fun thing for all of us. If it's not, then let's just end it
{JOHN}
Thanks, Pete
{MARTIN}
Thank you, Pete
{PETE}
I mean, after we do the bridge
{JOHN}
Wait, what bridge?
{TAYLOR}
Hey, Pete
{PETE}
Hey, Taylor
(Bridge)
{TAYLOR}
Ben is like a sad Ron Weasley
He looks like if Big BIrd lost all his feathers
And Martin has the charm and the sex appeal
Of a scarecrow
{MARTIN}
That's not true!
{TAYLOR}
John has a big-ass bowling ball head
How does he stay upright with that big fat melon?
And none of them have the guts to take their shirts off
In front of a girl
{MARTIN, BEN, AND JOHN}
Yeah, that's accurate
(Hook)
{TAYLOR}
'Cause they're three sad virgins what
Three sad virgins whoa
Three sad virgins what
Three sad virgins whoa
Three sad virgins what
Three sad virgins whoa
Three sad virgins what
{TAYLOR AND PETE}
And they're gonna die alone
