Saturday Night Live - The Jockey

(spoken intro)

{owner}
What do you think, doc? can he ride?

{doctor}
Ride a horse? i'm afraid not, son. this man's leg is broken in six places

{owner}
Wonderful. where am i going to find another jockey 10 minutes before the kentucky derby?

{stable hand}
I think i might know someone, sir

{owner}
Who?

{stable hand}
Someone great

{owner}
Where is he?

{stable hand}
Believe me, sir. you'll know him when you see him

{other jockey}
Yah! yah! what the heck?

(musical intro)

{toby}
Yup, that's me, riding a horse like a skateboard. you're probably wondering how i wound up here. well, it's kind of a crazy horse, and it goes a little something like this

(song)
So there i was doing skate tricks at the park
Then i jumped with too much force
And i landed on a horse

{owner}
Great scott!

{toby}
If i leaned right or left
He'd follow my every move
And if i wanted him to go fast
I'd just give him a bag of chips

We were running really hard
Through my neighbor's backyard

{neighbor}
Not my azaleas!

{toby}
He can do an ollie
And a backside 180, too
And if i asked him nicely
He'd do a kick flip

{other jockey}
This guy is crazy!

{toby}
Then we went to a track
And we won our very first race
But afterwards he didn't stop
So we toured the united states

I hold onto his tail
When we ride on a rail

This is our last race
Can't believe that this is the end
Next week i have to go to college
And they say i can't bring my friend
It's gonna be lonely
I don't know what i'm gonna do
I hope that when i'm gone
They don't turn him into glue

(outro)
Hey, i think i'm o---

Yep, that pretty much sums it up. that's how i won the kentucky derby. and wouldn't you know it? they even made a video game about my life: toby bird pro jockey. not bad for a guy that died later that day. not bad at all