Saturday Night Live - Sound of Music: Rolf and Liesl

{liesl}
I am sixteen going on seventeen
I know that i'm naïve
Fellows i meet may tell me i'm sweet
And willingly i believe

{rolf, spoken}
That's true!

{liesl}
You are seventeen going on eighteen

{rolf}
Actually, i'm thirty-three

{liesl, spoken}
Wait, what?

{rolf}
I know i look young
And i said i'm young
But i lied i'm thirty-three

{liesl, spoken}
You're thirty-three? but, you ride a bicycle

{rolf, spoken}
Well, that's because i'm very poor, darling

{liesl, spoken}
And you live with your mother

{rolf, spoken}
Wow, she's got a list. look, you're only as old as you feel

Liesl, do you know what statutory means?

{liesl, spoken}
Umm... no

{rolf, spoken}
It means i looked it up and we are on the right side of the cusp

{liesl, spoken}
I don't know, rolf. it's a pretty big age difference and, i don't want to say this, but there's rumors that you're maybe a nazi, maybe...

{rolf, spoken}
Focus on the age stuff

{liesl, spoken}
Well, i don't know if i can trust you

{rolf}
Don't be dramatic
It's not a great look
Trust me i know what guys like

{liesl}
But i am sixteen

{rolf}
And i am thirty-eight
I've had some birthdays since we started talking

{liesl, spoken}
What? thirty-eight? i thought you said you were thirty-three

{rolf, spoken}
Oh, let me explain

{rolf}
I am thirty-three
Next month i'll be thirty-nine
Baby, i'm forty-one

{liesl, spoken}
Rolf!

{rolf, spoken}
Liesl! i know you're freaked out but this is austria nineteen-thirty-bad. in a few months this will be the least of your worries

{liesl, spoken}
You keep saying stuff like that

{rolf, spoken}
Can i help it that i'm attracted to you? you're so mature and sophisticated

{liesl, spoken}
Really? you think i seem older?

{rolf, spoken}
Yes. what with the complaining and those hefty naturals, honestly, when i first came to the house i thought you were the mom

{liesl, spoken}
Oh, i don't know. you're a geriatric telegram boy and i'm rich and good with puppets, so you do the math

{rolf, spoken}
I know i'm not perfect, but i've talked to mother and i'm moving out

{liesl, spoken}
Really? you bought a house?

{rolf, spoken}
No, i rented, with roommates

{rolf}
Fritz and hans
And kevin and gerbils
And four other guys named hans

{liesl, spoken}
That's a lot of nazis, but i still don't know how i feel about dating an older guy

{rolf, spoken}
Oh, liesl. age is just a number that the government keeps track of. for example:

{rolf}
I am forty-six

{liesl}
That's older than my father

{rolf}
Damn, how sexy is that

{liesl}
I do like attention
And not to mention
My brain's
Not totally formed

{rolf, spoken}
Oh, liesl. i like that so much

{maria, spoken}
That's he!

{gaylord von trapp, spoken}
Stop it at once!

{liesl, spoken}
Papa!

{rolf, spoken}
Oh, hello, gaylord

{von trapp, spoken}
Oh, shut up!

{rolf, spoken}
But that's your name, isn't it? gaylord von trapp

{von trapp, spoken}
Yeah, but you know what you're doing

{maria, spoken}
Oh, just arrest the perv!

{von trapp, spoken}
Hey, how old are you, by the way?

{maria}
I'm old enough, but it's still kinda dicey

{von trapp}
Layee odl, layee odl layee-mhmmm