Saturday Night Live - Murder Show

(Spoken Intro)

{NICK}
All right, I'm gonna head out

{CHLOE}
Have fun

{NICK}
What are you gonna do?

{CHLOE}
Just finish up work and relax

{NICK}
Okay, well, don't miss me too much

{CHLOE}
I won't

{NICK}
All right, bye

(Musical Intro)

{CHLOE}
Finally, he's gone

{EGO}
I have the whole night to unwind

{MELISSA}
And do a little self-care

{KATE}
The only way I know how

(Song)

{WOMEN}
I'm gonna watch a murder show, murder show
I'm gonna watch a murder show
Netflix, Showtime
HBO and Dateline

Murder show, murder show
I'm gonna watch a murder show
YouTube, Hulu
That's my favorite thing to do

{CHLOE}
Two sisters got killed on a cruise in the Bahamas
I'm gonna half watch it while I fold my pajamas

{MELISSA}
Severed limbs found on a beach in Chula Vista
But I just kinda stare while I eat a piece of pizza

{EGO}
Dig up some bodies and do an autopsy

{CHLOE}
Boring!

{EGO}
Wake me up when it's Munchausen by proxy

{KATE}
A bodybuilder chopped up an old lady
I watch it while I text my sister 'bout her baby

{WOMEN}
Murder show, murder show
Every type of murder show
Late night, true crime
This is my relaxin' time

Murder show, murder show
I'm gonna watch a murder show

{CHLOE}
Last night, I found a new one
Where they found a cheerleader's head in an old coal mine
I watch it while I pay my taxes online

{EGO}
Satanic killer on the loose in Texas
And I'm on Insta keepin' tabs on my exes

{MELISSA}
Cannibals cut off people's flesh and they boil it
I watch it all while I'm sittin' on the toilet

{KATE}
Six pretty girls got scalped at the prom
I watch it in the background while I FaceTime my mom

{WOMEN}
And as soon as I'm done, I listen to a podcast
About the same guy as the show I just watched
'Cause now I'm fully down the rabbit hole
I hope for a body count, like six or seven
A really high body count, 10 or 11
15, 16, now it's getting interesting
If it's not at least 20, then girl, he ain't worth it

(Spoken Interlude)

{NICK}
What the hell? Have you just been watching murder shows all night?

{CHLOE}
Uh, yes

{NICK}
You do realize that there's a type of show that's even better than murder shows, right?

{CHLOE}
Wait, what?

{NICK}
Oh, yeah

(Song)
Have you heard about cult shows, cult shows?
Different kinds of cult shows
Brainwash, sex, and ugly dudes
And a bit of volleyball

Death cults, sex cults
We all like sex cults

{ALL}
Murder shows and cult shows

{MELISSA}
And don't forget baking shows

(Spoken)
What? I like baking shows! Whatever, screw you guys. I'm eating all of them

(Outro)

{NICK}
Body shows